So apparently people had also started noticing the dryness and fizz that had lately taken over my usually lovely hair. That's not very comely to my ears, being usually only complimented on the same. I refused to give up and kept trying various home remedies off Pintrest along with the good ol' champi. I changed one-a-many shampoos as well but to no avail. :( My distressed prayers got answered when Schwarzkopf decided to send me an entire foodie bag of it's exclusive Salon range to ME.
True to it's name, the Shampoo & Conditioner rescued my city girl hair. It lathers well and has a very appeasing fragrance. The goodness of it lasted me around 3 entire days. Although, I tend to have a wavy texture and this shampoo makes is a little on the straighter end, but it looks good none the well. I don't know yet if I am going to replace it as my regular shampoo but for one of those days when I want to look good, definitely yes!
Either be high above...rise above the shallowness and bask in profound thoughts and laugh at mortals from up there or be a simpleton, dunce, moron who doesn't get it.. doesn't get anything...
Because hanging in between the two results in sheer misery.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Like a palette of colors...each color different..yet scared and confused..as it knows not when it will get blended or washed away...
Clouds of love showering down and you rope me in with your wicked smirk.
First monsoon, you and I. Dancing in the street with music so loud. Kicking off my shoes and you ask me if I am Mad. Mad for you, mad in love I say...
Twilight comes in with a purple haze. Drenched, soaked, yet the glow in your gaze. Fire in the fireplace..your guitar you play...for your strings I make up words.
Because when all this is gone...words are all that is left. With silver in my hair and a crack in your spine. Toothless and saggy..the cold and frail hands...It will be will only be words that hold.
Ask the sun to not rise tomorrow morning...
Ask light to emit darkness...
Ask the cool wind to make sweat beads...
Ask an ant in a rut to take a break...
If you make it happen...
Perhaps maybe you can then...
Ask my heart to stop loving you..
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ps. Brainstorming for a creative writing assignment :-p
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Worst Nightmare = Likes me not! :'(
Biggest fear = Likes me back!!
So Ok, I was watching another movie and this girl who is crushing on a junkie-all-boy-band-guitarist/lyricist says "Oh but he is a poor tormented soul....and only I can see through it...."
____________________________________________________________________________________
Well miss-bimboo....transalted in hindi...it means "Woh Sala Chu*** Pareshaan atma hai!" and it will do you good to safely stay away... ;)
Ofcourse the Show is named "GET GORGEOUS!"---The Participants are so damn UGLY!!!
Come on! India is not the only country to ever host an international event! Goof-ups happen everywhere all the time!! MEDIA, Take a chill pill and go write abt something else....rakhis atrocious outfits or salmans' next girlfriend-----and please stop ridiculing your own country any further!!
This is weird. Everytime I realize someone is crushing on me, Suddenly--Its like there could be no one more annoying! It kind of grosses me out--- "ME n YOU? eeewwwwwwww--! No f-ing way! And inspite of how great that person is, I somehow turn blind to all of their good qualities and think of them as being lame! And I am never, ever nice to them---I kinda feel guilty later--But its more like a reflex. I can't help it!
Me::-- "Umm....I dunno....maybe happy...maybe after I've been there done that..."
Mr.ABC :: - "Come on Priyanka, More Creative Ideas..."
Me:- "Ok. Lets see...I want to die Smothered with chocolate!! No wait! I want to die...Like an artist! Like when I am almost about to complete my masterpiece....That would be Grand!
Mr ABC:- "Still Boring...!"
Me:- Fine. Perhaps a scary death? Like being swallowed by a large shark while underwater diving? Or wait! Bungee jumping accident? Killed in a riot while trying to save others??
Mr. ABC:- "OK OK. Cool it..." (He smirks to himself)
I ask him How would he like to die. Let me see how original HE can get...
Lesson learnt from watching (much abhorred) "TWILIGHT" Series.
Be a lame-damsel-in distress all the time and get 2 super-duper-wuper hot males ready to kill for you...!
There is no other explanation for this phenomenon otherwise. Probably gives machos a chance to show off what they've got!
Otherwise, no sickly-wierd looking female can be drenching in the drool of the likes of Taylor Lautner AND Robert Pattinson at the same time.
Maybe I should try it sometimes... how hard can be to pretend to be lame and in distress? ;)
P.S--Pattinson Aint all that great though...! Too Gay!
I for one, have never wanted something so bad in my life than wanting my next college to start!! Its just been over a two months of an "mba paas ladki" of 22 vacationing away to glory and the relatives are already getting ulcers!!
The most dreadful and horrific and night-marish thing that can happen to a girl!! "POTENTIAL RISHTA" (A potential marriage proposal!) coming!
Even though I laughed over it and it was turned down there and then, MOTHERS go crazy once it starts...
It is like...a vampire tasting blood (I know, not a very nice comparison, but nothing else is as apt!)
Now, she argues "you are a girl...no more waking up at 12 in the noon! you are a girl! no more wearing shorts around the house! you are a girl! you must learn to cook! You are a girl...blah blah blah.."
RIGHT! As if all these years mom, you never noticed that I am a girl?
Its not about her getting me married off then and there. Ofcourse I have made it extreamly clear and precise that this "Rishta" wala topic is not to be mentioned in front of me till i say so....(which I want to delay till possibly the next life time!)
This life...Me? Naah....Not untill I've become everything I want to be Or can be....or can make out of myself....Besides, I dont think I ever will fit into a "bahu" role! I for one, am just not cut out for this.......
Think I am kidding?
I danced on "Boom Boom Boom Boom....I want you in my room" by Venga boys at a family pooja function when I was 12. Ofcourse, the other female cousins younger than me joined, but I was the LEAD!
Yes, I am too much of an oddity, too much of a rebel, and too much of a "me". And I love being me! :-)
But grrr.......!! Once this marriage business bug bites you mother, girls....Your cool mom, who lets you do stupid things like write a stupid blog, click photos, paint, never step a foot in the kitchen, mom who lets you watch WWE without questioning your intentions....and lets you glue your butt in front of the play station......they vanish. The cool mom becomes a "regular" mom.
Out come all the stupid, wretched salwar suits which I never ever wore, even as formals in my college....Skirts one finger above the knee are thrown out. You are expected to do idiotic things like visiting aunts and touching thier feet. And no more hand-shakes with uncles. Be Nice to boys you meet at social event...keep sarcasm in check.....dont try to ridicule them or poke fun at them....and No more talking about GTA vice city or Beer.
Damn damn damn you! old-fart relatives who have nothing else to do in life but make matches and rishtas...! If you want to eat Jalebis...buy them from the market. NOT AT THE COST OF ANIMAL-SLAUGHTERING a GIRL INTO THE TRAP CALLED MARRIAGE!!
GOD! I want my college to start...!! Damn sure, mom will get over this phase....once I am not bumming around all day....and I swear, I will never stay at home again for such extended periods so as to give fodder to useless minds as these.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I am not just a spice...I am not just sweet as sugar...
nor I am a flavor to add to your coffee...
....If you have to relate me in terms of food...
I am a full 7 course meal...just make sure you have digestive pills around....Sometimes I can be too much...even for myself... :-/ :p
..
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Blogging too much lately?
Hah! blame it on MICA....damn! delayed college for another month!!
1 more month of being a total jobless bum = People might stop taking me seriously!! daaayyyeeeemm!! ;)
....If we don't start chewing tobacco for the simple reason of getting over smoking....why, why, why and WHY do need someone new to get over someone from the past?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
....Not everyone who can jiggle their stomach is a belly dancer..not everyone holding a pen is a writer....and like wise... who said i'm a photographer! ;) ;)
Thanks to Facebook, Text msgs and the rest, I noticed today that I have been referring to www.urbandictionary.com more thn www.wikipedia.com or even www.dictionary.com..!
1) The day I oil my hair and wear my specs is the day I run into my old snooty booty all time bitchy classmates. The day I assure myself I look like a beauty queen I see no one but elderdy women and ogling old farts.
2) The day I forget to wear by sports bra is the day Mr. "I-am-such-a-hottie" will run on the treadmil next to mine. Usually I pride myself on being such...well....well endowed. But on that precise day, all I do I pray with all my might I'd stop being so buoyant!
Excerpt from a phone call to a female bitching partner::
"Hello, Vinita! Priyanka Here..! Do you know some girls here wear make-up to the gym!! How dumb and desperate is that!" She is utterly horrified and gasps" You mean you don't!!?? "
2) live in a blueberry cheesecake house
(ok. 1 and 2 dont go hand in hand...but neither is coming true, so wht the heck!)
3) Own a 50mm f/1.2 (yes i am NOT greedy, dont lust after 5D or Lseries) ;)
4)Take mom dad and bro on a trip around the world. Dad needs it, mom would love it.
5) Get mom to be stick thin as well
6) Stop messing up every room I enter.
7) being less clumsy and not topple at every chance.
8) learn to drive FAST and not scream.
9) grow up.
10) stay 16.
11) write a book. a real lovely book.
12) make use of my MBA degree
13) just be a really good photographer.
14) learn photoshop sincerely
15) actually LIKE something!!
16) actually LIKE someone...!!
17) stop being rude to people who like me.
18) stop being a douche in front of people i like.
19) learn to differentiate between being nice and being a push-over.
20) stop lusting over shoes I will never be graceful enough to wear.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I have some good news to share!! I got admission at MICA!!
No, not for an MBA...That I aleady am.. ;)
For a course in Crafting creative communications...finally, doing something I love...
N yea...jst for the record..MICA is a college..not the guy who smooched Rakhi Sawant!
..I see you after ages. I have been working hard without you around. I see you from a distance. I come running to you. You like being subtle, at least when around a crowd. But I am not like that. And you love me for that. I run and hug you as if I don't hug you now i will lose you forever. Climb up and put my legs around your waist and cling on to you like I never want to let go. Keep on that bear hug...you warm my heart.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I hope you are worth the solitude...I hope you are worth the wait...
Everyone picks up the pieces and moves ahead with their lives. But then, there are a few perhaps like us who in spite of moving ahead with a great speed sometimes just want to throw down a piece and brood a while…like was in people, we have a great love-hate relationship with our memories….we love the good memories but then it is precisely those memories that make us sad…
Sometimes we go back to the same places to revisit the past….actually, before you start off, there is hope….no the past could still be intact…going back and picking up is apparently simple.
But going there is realizing that past is actually past is the most painful part…because you end up getting hurt again…AND the HOPE dies too…
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
By this point of time, I thought I was totally worthless...
But I realized today...There is one Art I have Mastered..
...The Art of Self-Destruction....
Bravo, Me!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
No matter how charming he is, some other girl is extreamly frustrated bcoz either he is a lousy kisser or too vain or too much of a jackass.... ;)
PARENTS::: They Adore MEDIOCRE but WELL-BEHAVED children...but TRASH eccentric but BRILLIANT children... :'(
Societies approval is weighed more than the child's abilities and capabilities...thus, pushing the child into a deep seated depression...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Why does life keep giving shit to nice people and nice things to shitty people??
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Everyone has an ace up their sleeve....
I too have one...but right now, it seems that my ace has accidentally slipped down my shoulder to my back... ;)
So what is a broken, wounded heart supposed to do, tell me?
Look for a pure, untarnished, virgin heart and enjoy its purity..get absorbed in it? Push its own scars behind? Blend in the purity and then get lost in the happy ever after?
-OR-
Should it look for an equally wounded heart and with whatever compassion is left in both of them, try and heal each other...merge and rise above...make each other forget about whatever happened....re-assure the "once bitten twice shy" counterpart...devote utmost loyalty...and then, bit by bit dare to think about the happy ever-after??
What is about this day...14th feb, that turns the tables.
The lions squeak like rats and the rats blow elephants' trumpets.
The most loser guy in town becomes the stud and the hottest babe can sit home with oil in her hair, getting drunk by herself....depending on IF and only IF you have a DATE or a "Valentine"
Usually, Here at the hostel i'm the don. I am the one throwing attitude. I decide whats cool, what is in, what is not. The shitty girls are actually scared of the whiplash i might throw at them with my sarcastic little tongue. One look is all it takes from me to make the girls feel low, embarresed or just plain insulted from me, if i want to make them feel that way. I'm the tigress and this is my jungle.
But what is it about this day, that makes me feel meek. All the attitude stuffed up just flies away. I'm alone, i'm naked. I am week.
Valentines' Day is what the girls use to get their revenge.
Today, even the geekiest girl with braces and champu haircut shines in her red t-shirt and white frilly skirt.
The ugliest of the girl looks beautiful...as if she just won the miss universe contest.
This is how they are getting back at me. They give me those mock-sympathy-filled looks...because...gassspp!!! I'm SINGLE!!
"ohhh noo!! pooorrr priyankaaa...!! how hard it must be on her....!!"
And then, they shove their red roses in my face...some even try to show me down by reading out thier mush-crap-filled-googled-love-poetry to me..
The Undercurrent is-- "Who is the loser now, bitch!!"
I could have spoiled it for them by telling them that all your "jaanus and noontus" want to do is bang you and then forget about you. All they are going to remember you by is what was your number on their banging list...
But I know, If I had said that...I would probably have got a "Sour grapes" arguement in turn.
So I let them be...
Damn. I so hate this materialistic day..
And I actually Miss the PINK CHADDI campaign. It kept me busy and occupied the last year..
Today, I am just overdosed on beer and breezers..and lays potato chips...listening to Hindi film music-- just to honor this day--as am watching the rest of the hostel move out..overdressed for thier dates..
(ps- That song--- Mera pehela pehela pyaar hai-- Mp3 is kinda nice :)
Ive been seeing some really unnerving and weird dreams lately...
...There was this one dream where I was forcefully married off to a guy I did not approve of...
another one was where I was being tracked down by Taliban and eventually shot right in the head and killed..Yet another one was where I was drowning in a tsunami...
I cant seem to figure out why is this happening..? I am sleeping with my head in the wrong direction? Do I need to go on a soul searching trip? Does this really mean something?
Do Not suggest I need a break...I anyway do not do much..! :-p
"Oh, is that why? 'Cause I thought it was something different. I thought that it was 'cause I deserved the best and he's out there somewhere.... He's just with all the wrong women...:"
Do you know what the worst hangover ever? Being high, being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. I mean, right. You go about town dropping love-sick hints, writing lovely-dovey note on your Facebook/Twitter status, hoping your dream guy/girl will understand that its for THEM. And its been 6 months and no sign of progress, Please get it straight. There never will be any.
I was one of those people too, So I understand how it feels. But now, when I see my friends doing it, I feel for them. Its tough to be in love with someone who is absolutely insensitive towards your feelings but hey, Unless you have the Guts to go and and say it straight on their faces "I fancy you/ love you/would love to spend time with you", forget it! keeping silly status messages is not getting you anywhere.
Agree with me, dont you? It is the worlds worst emotional hangover. Come on people! Suck a lemon, and scream out, Who is NEXT?? put your radar on active mode..who knows, your next pehela-pehela pyaar could be out there somewhere...and this one just might work out for u..after all, a "love-struck" hangover is any day better than a "love-stuck" hangover ;)
My eyes are sore from all the sleepless nights and endless tears..and when dawn breaks, I forget why was I crying.. I'm restless, I am Guilty. I am a not a river which knows where to flow. I am a droplet, which keeps on falling without knowing where it will end or dry-up. Where are you?
Like the Sandalwood that puts the burning fire in a snakes body, your hand on my head will put out the burning thoughts in my heart. The world can see a bruised body. But I know, you can see the wounds in my soul. Heal me. I know you can. And I will heal you too. And Even if I am not saying it, I know you CAN listen. For you need me as much as I need you...
Then why don't you come and save me..from myself...and I'll save you..from you...
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Okay. So you try to make everyone happy and compromise with yourself and force yourself to follow the "conventional" path, giving up all you have for it. Then, after taking a few baby steps on the "conventional" path you realise OMG! its a DEADEND, AGAIN!! How smothering and frustrating is that??? MORAL I learnt is. Do not COMPROMISE. EVER.
Okay. So my exams are on and let me tell you, The concepts we studying in MBA are nothing but daily doses of commonsense gift wrapped with flowery and important sounding words. One such concept is The "cost-benefit" analysis.
When the costs of carrying on something outwieght the benefits derived out of it, we cease to carry that activity out. Is it not the most basic concept we have been following without even being taught about it?
Like when you shop, you compare the utility with the price tag.
Even Love and Relationships go through the COST-BENEFIT scrutiny. When the emotional costs of loving someone outweigh the satisfaction and fulfillment we receive in return, We Stop loving someone.
Is it not the reason for all the Divorces and break-ups? The "cost" of loving someone gets more than the worth of that someone in your life.. Aren't we all calculative shrewd business men? I though true love was not about getting something back while giving all you have.
Once again, my confused, pagan and distorted mind doesn't have an answer. Bravo world, you leave me speechless once again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that the things we want to forget or we ought to forget are the things we remember the most?
Friday, November 27, 2009
There are so many times like right now..When I want to scream my lungs out and say what I really feel. But I wouldn't. I couldn't. Because I know that you are going to read it here. Because you and I live in a society and are bound to cross paths somewhere. And I must not bring out my naked, raw, vulnerable feelings out.
For you will judge me.
For you will laugh at me.
For you too are but human.
Why can I not say what I want to say without hesitating? Why can I not cry out loud when I feel lonely? Why can I not reach out and tell you when I'm so happy? Why wont you come and hold me close? Why don't you come and heal me? why don't you come and love me so much?
Why do I have to hide from you and Why do you hide from me?
Come to me. Let us run away from this world full of things we don't understand...
Confess your love and affection to the concerned person at the first chance or it could be too late/ you might regret never telling them how you feel..
Theory 2)
The day you give even a subtle hint that you have a soft spot for someone..you lose your edge/charm/"value" to them..The only sure shot way to win someone over is by being a Tease..
Which Theory do you support and why? Please feel free to comment..!
After what seems like an era, I seem to have started musing... doesn't qualify for a crush, definetly it doesn't. The object of my recent affection doesn't know I exist. but like the arrival of spring when the snow melts..one flake at a time..
Oh Dammit! I'm getting cheesy once again..and I'm loving it!
James Blunt--you are so damn right about "beautiful"
[And yes, if you are a new reader and wondering WHY have I put this up on my blog, you probably do no know about the previous tag line of the blog--ramblings of a distorted feminine mind!! ;-) ]
The girl who seems more "ruff-n-tuff", n goes about town saying "I-can-kick-some-serious-ass" or "I-can-do-a-mans'-job", is most likely to be the one who dreams about the lovey-dovey stuff before dozing off to sleep at night. Those are the girls who are the most romantic kind. And if they intimidate you at first, be rest assured they are as harmless as a wet-puppy. Once you have her heart, you have the woman of your dreams in your arms. And you still get to be the Man.
While those girls who are, well, all flirty and giggly and who put on thier pink-dresses and bait eye lashes are upto nothing but "baiting" in the perfect catch. Those are the shrewdest bred. The know to play thier cards well. So if you find these charming, be prepared to spend out a major stake from your wallet on her shopping, mani-pedis, $100 salad dinners and the rest, and yet you are never going to be able to say out loud with 110% confidence "shes my girl". Congratulations, mate, you have been roped-in by a Con-woman.
Friendships are nothing but alliances. Alliances formed to attain "agendas", which could be anything, from hanging out to favors, from bringing down a mutual enemy or simply formed out of fear of being alone.
Probably the only word in the dictionary which is more hyped than "LOVE"
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I will marry the guy who is smart enough not to marry me!!
When you feel an emotional vacuum, there are some people who become your emotional fillers..
And all you want then is more and more of this emotional fulfillment..
But I ask..how do you differentiate between LOVE and EMOTIONAL FULFILLMENT? Are they different or are they the same? ___________________________________________________________________________________
Let me brood over it, I'll be back in about a week with the answer! Until then, Readers, CIAO!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Apart from being all the good things like support and source of un-ceasing love, And being Ready-to-use-ATMs, There is one thing Parents are particularly good at.
It is reminding you how other peoples Children are doing so much better than you career-wise.
And what hurts more is...most of the times, they are right.
When you hesitate between two courses of action, always choose the one which leaves you more alone, more in silence, more in love :)
**Credits, Ms Himala
You don't need to drink to get drunk. You don't even need to drink to get a hangover. There are all kinds of hangovers. Happy hangovers. Emotional Hangovers. Dirty hangovers. Nasty hangovers. Trust me, as many as you can count.
Without a single drop of liquor.
**groan...I will come back and explain more in detail, later, when I get over with my sleep deprived-hanging-over..
And just what is Illusion? And just What is Disillusion? And just what is holding back? And just What is the choice of expression.. It is scary. It is serene. What stops one from being free? What are expectations? why do they come so often and dont go away easily? Why does noise still buzz in the ears even after one shuts them hard with the hands?
What I really, really want right now is a good, long, foamy bubble bath.. Some nice, chilled, sparking wine..a cozy corner/a good book..some music..and a good nights' sleep...Ahhh... NIRVANA...
**name mercifully hidden, You better SAY THANK YOU, you know sweety, for more than one reasons. Now, for a change, you'd turn more heads than me..until my lovely, gorgeous tresses grow back. For the Time being, I am busy Making a list of excuses to give to people for not showing up..
A silly forwarded Text message went like
"Always study at the last mintue coz u can test your managerial abilities of TIME MANAGMENT and CRISIS HANDLING"
Maybe I am taking my good brains for granted all the time and hence, study at the last minute. Not once, Not twice, but throughout my student life. Maybe its a clinical disorder.
But what the heck, I score pretty well...so what the hell?
I still Vow be a good girl in the future to end this "one night stand" ritual with examinations from the next time...
Until then...JAGTE RAHO!!!
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. -Oscar Wilde
Ever wondered why lucky Romance dates for you and your lover in the horoscopes column are never the same? ;)
Don't smoke. There are cooler ways to die.
I saw myself in the mirror today morning.
I saw how the complexities caught me. When did I become the victim?
Maybe Complexity doesnt suit me.
When things were simple, I was the rockstar.
I'd never even take 1% of shit. I'd never bend down. I was Strong.
I was a Gangsta.
So from now, Life is simple. I have broken all rules. World and the rules it plays by are just not for me anymore.
The world is black and white again and the rules are simple.
I am the Don. I chose my emotions. I chose to be fair. Fair to others. Fair to myself.
"Adjustment and Compromise" are temporarily not in my dictionary.
Its Payback time. I'm paying each and everyone back. In double measures.
I chose my emotions.
I am Clam but there will be mayhem all around.
AND NO MORE SHITTY, SOBBY, SHATTERED POSTS ANYMORE. I SWEAR.
THIS IS A GANSTA BLOG FROM TODAY
Friday, May 8, 2009
One Sound.. One Touch.. One Glimpse.. One whisper.. One embrace.. One Look..
Anything...Just Anything will do.. And I'll know.. You are looking for me, As I look for you..
And I'll know.. Things are going to be fine.. And all will be well
And I'll know.. There is an end to this solitude.. And there is an End to this hollowness..
And I'll know.. The pain is going to be worth it.. To find my solace in your embrace..
And I'll know.. All this remorse is heavens conspiracy.. For this is the only path that leads to you..
so.. Give me One Look with your eyes.. Give me One Glimpse of your face.. Make one whisper in my ear.. Hold me once in your embrace.. or just Touch my hand once..
And I'll know.. And I'll Sail through And I will fight...
My local guardian in Ahmedabad passed away. Heart Attack. And age 65+
I was very attachted to uncle. As for him, I do not remember him diffrentiating me from his daughter.
I hadnt seen him since a year. I am to go to ahmedabad for a couple of weeks for my summer training. I thot i'd surprise him with my visit.
If he had only waited for a month...
The news, should have devastated me. I should have been rolling in tears and feeling agony. He was more than an uncle to me. He was a FRIEND. ALways so young at heart...that is not an appropriate word. A KID at heart. Naughty. I remember, In my second year college, I had to make a project report on financial analysis of a company...I, being the great myself, Knew no shit. He made the project for me. And made me treat him with a coffee at a nice coffee pub for that. He was like the Fun-loving Grandfather I always wanted and never had.
But what The hell is wrong with me??
Why do I not feel emotions? I cried, alright..and I still am..
But more so..because I am crying for myself.
I feel no remorse। I feel no pain. I FEEL NOTHING. I feel no anger. I feel no love. I feel no happiness...I feel no jealously. I feel no excitement. I feel no sadness.. I feel..empty..I feel Vacuum.I feel nothing. I am a zombie.
What I heartless stone I am...I have no right to live on any longer. Only if..I could give away my life to someone else who WANTS to live but has no time at his disposal...
Because, me..so devoid so feelings, so devoid of emotions...have no right to live on anymore.
I am Angry, I am irritated, I am upset and I plan to die
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The more people I meet, The more I love my Dog. That is, If I had a Dog.
Sakshis' going away for a while and she is leaving Candy (her Goldfish) under my care. That means, technically for a fortnight, I have a Pet.
My first pet. I am apprihensive. What If I do something wrong. The little fishs' life will be in hands. Will I be able to take care of it?
Geez!! Isnt it like having a baby of your own?
Anyways, The more People I meet, The more I love Candy, my pet fish. :))
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I tried to drown all my Troubles... But I couldnt get him anywhere near the water... :(
Please make sure that I am really irritated, Angered and Pissed off by 18:30 hours daily. All this anger serves one good purpose. I run and I run a lot.
Sure, it affects my studies and poor, unsuspecting people often get victimized by my dangerously sharp sarcasm, but it is really good for my 4bhk size waistline.
I have already managed to lose 2kilos in the past one and a half week.
Really ugly bad mood and some hard rock in my ears is all I need to sweat it out. It works.
PLEASE Try it at home.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Mandy passed away today. I bet she/he realised what name has she been given. I'm sure Candy wouldnt live much either. I will miss them.
Who is to be blamed? The one Causing the pain or the Victim who chooses to suffer?
I know, it is the Victim. But can't you see? The victim is not strong enough to break through. The Victim is Weak. The Victim is helpless..
Like Cancer...Like Poison..Like Drugs..It slowly contaminating the victims entire existence... When a person suffers from pain like appendix or tonsils, they can be romoved. Even Hearts for that matter. But what treatment is a person supposed to take when the Soul falls Sick..???
Is there a Treatment?
Yes, There is..
It is Love. True love. Pure love. Only honest and self-less love can heal a wounded soul.
A very rare medicine which only a few very, very lucky victims...the very few chosen ones get.
Else, the Victim will continue to remain a Victim and suffer...
I know, Great people, Learned People, Wise people say things like " Self-help is the best help" and " Only forgiveness gives way to peace"
But I ask them..Did they ever know what PAIN is? What SUFFERING is before Preaching such hollow and superficial positivity bullshit?
Those are just words. Empty words.
Maybe Suffering is the punishment the Victim deserves for being Weak.
Sakshi, the chick who's room I crash into for its excellent Wi-Fi connectivity compared to the bullock-cart speeding connectivity in my dinghy match-box of a room, Turned another year older last week.
Her boyfriend gave her pet fishes in a bowl as her birthday present. Two utterly cute, shining, tiny, and absolutely round- eyed "fishy" Gold-fishes.
How adorable is that! It made me day dream..what if I had someone...who'd do that for me..
I am so sorry to disappoint my readers in this post, because here I am not in a mood to write anything funny or sarcastic. Even poetical for that matter. This post is not meant to entertain/enlighten my readers. However few they are, they are loyal, faithful and regular. Thank you, all of you!
For now and for the coming few other posts, I am going to make this blog like a personal Diary.
All I am going to do is be talking to myself here.
I apologize if its disappointing. But I need to vent out somewhere. So here it goes....
Right now, all I am feeling is...Empty. My eyes hurt. My back hurts. I had a VIVA today. Screwed it bad. I had the time, I had the notes. I just dint bother going through them.
I had a Big shot at this interview a few days back at a semi-biggie Ad agency.
I Screwed it bad as well. The interviewer Roasted n grilled me alive. Maybe I deserved it.
No, I haven't heard from them again.
I had a few skeletons in my closet. Painful. Buried them deep. All of a sudden, without a warning, they are resurfacing. I am scared. Those long forgotten wounds. Those dried tears seem to be welling up in my eyes again.
No, I am not strong enough any more. I cannot fight again. I just cannot. I do not have the strength left in me. I have been fighting since the last 3 years. I want to surrender. I am exhausted. I want a shelter.
I had read somewhere that you can never get rid of your past. Your past is a part of your existence. And there is a bond of remorse which binds your present self with the self you were in your past.
I now understand every word of it.
I do not want to be a victim anymore. Why wasn't i made any stronger? Like my Mother. Like my Father. Why am I not Strong?
My life. I am screwing it bad too. Isn't it?
I've Always been lousy at chess. Even a 10 year old can beat me at it. Maybe thats why, I lose at the games people play with me.
I guess there are no straight talkers left around here.
Where can I meet someone who is as "idiotic" as me? Is a an equal and opposite fool made for me?
Why is it that I feel no emotions. Why is it, that my emotions cling to inertia?
Cant I press Rewind and erase some last 10 years of my life? Cant I start all over again?
I promise to be a good child. I promise to be a good girl. I will never miss school and I will never fake a temperature to bunk. I will do all my homework on time. I will never harass my parents to buy me fancy stuff that I see with other children. I will never bully my younger brother. I will help my grand mother in climbing the stairs and I promise to spend an hour talking to her everyday.
Please, Will you let me go back and live my life in a better way again? Will I ever get a chance?
To play in the streets again.
To wash off all the stains of alcohol from my blood.
To send all the tears back in the tear-glands of my eyes.
To be free. To be a child again.
Will a chance of hogging an ice-cream excite me ever again? Will I ever have a crush again?
I went window shoppin' with the girls today at lifestyle... How often is it that you fall in love at first sight? I did. It was as if I was struck by a Thunderbolt.
I remember the moment precisely. Its still fresh in my mind after all these hours that have passed..I've never seen a creation as perfect..Nothing before this day, made me go weak in my knees and make me walk straight to it like someone about to die of thirst dragging himself to a well of water..
Standing tall between between the Levis' rack and the Ginger rack...as if waiting for me to come to it..was...
.... a short, silk, layered, black skirt...
It fit me perfectly!! It was MADE for me. It Was ME. The way it felt on me..the way I looked in it..It was all set in my mind. I'd never be separated from it...It will be with me till forever.
That Forever lasted exactly 27 minutes. Because that was when I saw its Price-tag.
Rs 4999/- only.
Only.
Only. It only made me cry. Why wasn't my surname Ambani or Tata? Or even Kapoor or Khan for that matter? if not, Why didn't I have a Boyfriend who's surname was so?
I called up my BFF (Best Female Friend) for some consolation. As patient she is..she beat some sense into me... 5 thousand Grands.
Thats more than a million families make in a month. Thats more money than people have to educate their children. Thats more money than what my maid makes. And she serves us for 14 hours a day. Like a Slog.
Heck. I myself could sponsor to educate 5 children a month. If I got that much pocket money that is...
But those are just thoughts isnt it? They come, tickle our minds for sometime...and just fade away..
Whose got time? Who cares, isn't it? They are just other people...they are just other people who are dying of hunger.. They are a part of a world which we don't belong in.. They just look good on the 12th page news of the newspaper..isn't it?
Anyways.. I, with a heavy heart..put that skirt back in the rack..
5k for 1 meter of cloth..WHAT WAS I THINKING???
...Damn, why wasnt I born rich instead of good-lookin'??
Why do people fall in love? to be loved back... why does a person give love to someone? because one of our basic instincts is to love back.. we just love someone to satisfy our instinct..one human being can never love another person as much as he/she loves himself or herself in the end..
I was Talking to a Guy Friend of Mine and the Conversation drifted to Friends and Break ups.. Heres How it Went..
Girl:- When our Friend breakups with her boyfriend or gets dumped..we girls do everything to make her feel special and good about herself..we rent DVDs like SEX and The CITY...get her chocolates, shopping sprees, Manicures, Make-overs...and just talk about how she feels...
What do you guys do when one of your guy friend breaks-up or gets dumped?
I was Talking to a guy friend of mine and I happened to ask him..
"Why does it always happen that someone you really like doesn't like you and you don't like the one who likes you?? Why cant people just fall for each other straight..as in why don't people automatically generate feelings for someone when they get the hint the other one likes them?? why cant people like each other mutually??"
As stupid as it sounds..this is what he replied...
"There wouldn't be a freakin' single person left on the face of earth..everything would be perfect..there would not be a a frustrated, 40 year old virgin Phd student..There wont be a single stud in college..a There wouldn't be no dating sites, there would be just happily married boring couples all around..there wouldn't be no singles' bars..No retail therapies for the times when you are depressed..In short, there would be No fun left in the world"
I got my answer...however cliched it may sound.. :) Sometimes, the journey and the discoveries you make on the way are equally as good, if not better, than the destination..!
A boy loved a Girl Sincerely.... .................... ...................... ....................... ......................... ............................ .....................................
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For more JOKES sms Joke to 56767..!
I received this as a text message this morning..And it has really put me into one of my thinking modes again.. Just this week I read in a book about how the word "Sincere" was coined.
^^The words' origins were ancient. During the Renaissance, Spanish sculptors who made mistakes while carving expensive marble often patched their flaws with "Cera" or Wax.
A statue that had no flaws and required no patching was hailed as a sculpture "Sin-Cera" or Sclupture without wax". The phrase eventually came to mean anything honest or true. The English word Sincere evolved from the Spanish Sin cera---"WITHOUT WAX"..^^
So now my Hyper active imagination has kicked into action. Think about it Literally..Without "Wax"..in terms of legs..as gross as it sounds it is a fact..And I agree.. Which Dude will love his chick without a waxing session at the salon? ;)
Think of the pain we go through to win your love and even more painful, to sustain it...
THIS IS A LETTER OF NEGOTIATION FROM ALL THE WOMANHOOD FROM VENUS TO ALL THE MANHOOD FROM MARS
Dear Martians,
sometimes learn to love us..sincerely..without wax..we promise we'll make a deal---you let us go without wax and we'd let you get away with whatever..like messy rooms or we swear we'll never argue over that toilet seat again.. !!
Okay, I Do, do need to tell you guys what wonderful Valentines' Day Presents the girls at the hostel got for their Boyfriends.
A photo frame.
A Deodorant.
A (Big, Red, Stupid, Furry and Smelly) Toy Heart.
A Bunch of Lovey-Dovey Greeting Cards Which claimed "I'll Die Without you, I can't Live Without you!! Or “My heart beats for you (Hmmm!! and I thought hearts beat for pumping blood!)
And yes, each and every corner of these love-sick cards was bombarded with love-quotes googled from the internet, written with glowey, glittery Sparkle Pens.
These Girls were so goddamn competitive about it. The undercurrent was to prove which girl loved her boyfriend the most with the Benchmark being the highest number of love-quotes (Thank you Google, of course!) and love SMSes written on the greeting card.
Here is what they got in return from their “Jaanus’” and “Chwweet-la-cute-la” Boyfriends:-
A few Ugly Teddy Bears (made in China, Ofcourse)
A (See-through) Pink T-shirt. (Whatever THAT is supposed to hint!!)
A Bouquet of red roses (I would not have minded If I, myself received one of those, though)
A few red heart shaped balloons
A self-composed love-letter that went:-
“ I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy.. I’ll be your hope, be your love, be everything that you need.. I wanna stand with you on the mountain; I wanna bathe with you in the sea…”
(Yes, for once, I haven’t been a Kill-joy and told the over-excited, love-struck girl that this “self composed love-letter” her boyfriend has written with Red Ink and heart shaped stickers is nothing but Savage Garden’s Truly, Madly, Deeply penned down)
Well Ishita, Got a Sexy, Dangerously Low, snug, expensive pair of Jeans from Levis’ and she fought with her boyfriend for not buying her a pair of shoes, perfume and a T-shirt to go with it. Her boyfriend rudely told her He hated the Bag she’d got for him and both of them told each other very rudely that those were the worst Valentines’ day Presents they’d ever received and that showed how little he/she loves him/her.
What followed was Ishita crying rivers out for the entire day and her boyfriend out boozing with other guys and I bet also checking out other chicks.
Well what I knew was valentines’ day is celebrated to show how much you love someone. What I Did not Know was this “How Much” was meant to be showed so literally..!!!!
My valentines day was full of self love, self pampering and self indugence.
Heres what I did for myself.
Got a French manicure-pedicure done.
Got a bottle of SULA WINE (which I’m saving for a more deserving occasion, and mean to share with someone I think is going to be special enough for it to be shared with…for now, its well hidden at the back of my wardrobe)
Got A micro-phone Headset. Yes, Since then I’m bugging all my friends to voice-chat with me :-D (If you guys ever care to read this, I’m sorry but hey, I can’t afford the phone bills on u anymore, so there!)
Got a New Sketch-book. Yes, I intend to start sketching again.
But that’s about it.
And yes,
I also, Really, Really wanted to join the “Pink Chaddi Andolan” and bharo-fy the pubs here in Jaipur. Alas, that did not materialize.
I did send a Bubble-gum-pink Bikini set anonymously. (Hey, Thongs are just plain cheekier than Grandma Panties!!!)
I hope Ram Sene does put it to good use! Man, they fucking cost me, afterall!! But Hey, anything for a good cause!!
And now I am fucking broke again till the next allowance day comes. Mind if I borrow a few bucks, buddy?
