My local guardian in Ahmedabad passed away. Heart Attack. And age 65+
I was very attachted to uncle. As for him, I do not remember him diffrentiating me from his daughter.
I hadnt seen him since a year. I am to go to ahmedabad for a couple of weeks for my summer training. I thot i'd surprise him with my visit.
If he had only waited for a month...
The news, should have devastated me. I should have been rolling in tears and feeling agony. He was more than an uncle to me. He was a FRIEND. ALways so young at heart...that is not an appropriate word. A KID at heart. Naughty. I remember, In my second year college, I had to make a project report on financial analysis of a company...I, being the great myself, Knew no shit. He made the project for me. And made me treat him with a coffee at a nice coffee pub for that. He was like the Fun-loving Grandfather I always wanted and never had.
But what The hell is wrong with me??
Why do I not feel emotions? I cried, alright..and I still am..
But more so..because I am crying for myself.
I feel no remorse। I feel no pain. I FEEL NOTHING. I feel no anger. I feel no love. I feel no happiness...I feel no jealously. I feel no excitement. I feel no sadness.. I feel..empty..I feel Vacuum.I feel nothing. I am a zombie.
What I heartless stone I am...I have no right to live on any longer. Only if..I could give away my life to someone else who WANTS to live but has no time at his disposal...
Because, me..so devoid so feelings, so devoid of emotions...have no right to live on anymore.
7 comments:
hey young gal, whats wrong with you. you are in your early twenties and you have given up....life gets even worse when you hit thirties.There's a long way to go.You know what inspires me the most.....its a dialouge from the movie Rocky balboa, when he tells his son "the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"
I hope it inspires you too. You have immense talent and potential lady, don't let it go waste. and do think about your fans too....
take care and cheer-up!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. - I hope its a temporary phase as written on the top of yous blog page.
:)
i hope so too..
I don't really think; one is capable of commiserating or understanding what one is going through in such circumstances. So hope you'll get through. All I would say is: To me, numbness is a reaction too and it does not necessarily reflect coldness
ah sorry to hear that, but all i would say is cheer up, u have a long way ahead :)
i feel as i am speaking to my own self.... i felt the exact same thing when my tutor passed away...
i really like ur writings btw.. and also ur pictures on flickr.....
take care.. and keep that smile always.. god bless....
I'm glad I read this entry of yours deep down in your blog... You sound much better now... There seems to be a better/livelier you... Way to go!!!
Stay that way, if not better... :)
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