Where are the tears??

3:24 pm.
I was asleep in my hostel room, owing to weakness and a very, very upset stomach and an all girls night previously.
My roommate walked in " Priyanka, this guy Nitesh Soni from your class.." I said, not the least bit awake.. "yeah, what about that jerk", "he expired today" she said as a matter-of-factly.

My head spinning, and not taking in the news..All that came to my head was Nitesh...Nitesh Soni..a faint hint..yes...that loud mouth, ill-behaving jerk..woh GANVAR...that nuisance of the class...
How could he be dead??

"Hey Listen the teachers are forcing us to go to the hospital where his body is lying" said Ritika..
I sat up on the bed, head still spinning.."lets go, I'll be ready in 5 minutes" I said.
"Arey yaar, why the hell do you want to come? Firstly we have to go and face all this Rona-dhona, and if you come along, we'll have to take care of you and your health also"

I said I am FINE. I will Take care of myself. Let me come with you guys.
They wouldn't take me.
In the end, These Girls weaseled out and nobody actually went to the hospital.

I remember, in school days, we lost our classmate, Jutsin in a similar accident. I remember crying for hours...the entire class going to the funeral..everybody doing their bit to console Justins parents.

Most Importantly, we felt..our hearts felt..We were16-17 back then.
We are 21 today. We feel nothing. Our hearts dint move today. I know its a different crowd all together, but hey..emotions are universal.

But where have the emotions gone? where are they hiding?
Why don't we feel anything today.

My roommate took the day off and is out shopping. The boys, being boys had to go. No-options.

And as far as I am concerned, here I am...putting this up on the blog.
Once again..It makes me think, where is the world heading? what has happened to us? God forbid, if these sad news concerned any of our intimate or immediate circles, wouldn't our world feel like it has turned upside down??

I know acceptance is necessary, But as these years are going by...We are just learning of accept things really, really fast. Isnt it? Like Fast food, Fast communication, We just move-on Faster...
Where are the Bloody Tears??
As far as Nitesh Soni is concerned, I will never see that "ganvar" again. God bless him and may god give strenght to his parents to accept the facts.Where

Grass is greener AND yellower on the otherside

I often get depressed or frustated for not dating somebody. I mean hey, Being single for more than 2 years especially when you are 21, good-looking, smart, confident, intresting, etc etc, does plain suck at times. Well at lots of times.

Like when I have a day-off and the other girls in the hostel go out, dressed thier best, with thier "Jannus" and "Sweethearts" with those lovey-dovey eyes, I am half heartedly focusing on checking out the Events section of the newpaper to see if there are any decent painting/photography exhibitions in town..

Most of the Times I end up spending a good part of the day at crosswords or just spending my dads money at the mall for stuff which I either dont need or dont have enough place to store in my dinghy little hostel room....
...or burning away my lungs with other single girls and loser guys at a sheesha/hukka bar..

I get so jealous when my roomate Ritika when she gets pampered (and showered with presents/flowers on and off)..

But when I see Ritika and her boyfreind, burning with insecurity, cribbing about irrelevant issues like "why did Vandana sit so close to you in class???", (esp. when the close is 2 rows away!)...

Thier fighting for every other reason under the sun and then going hungry for days togather..

Not talking to anytoher guy untill and unless she publically annouces and labels him as her "muh-bola bhaiya" or Brother..

Anupam (Ritikas' Boyfriend) not beign able to have a boys' night out because Ritika doesnt approve of it..

All this sounds like Bullshit or insanity to me..If people get into relations for making each others lives miserable, I'm happy visiting bookstores by myself.

I mean hey, its a relationship, for godsake. How can you love a person if according to you everything about him/her is wrong and should be changed??

Such relationships are nothing but emotional masturbation (and physical satisfaction!)

If this is what all I am supposed to do after getting into a relationship, God, Thankyou for this "Single" tag as far as my dating status is concerned..

But it wouldnt hurt if someone did sponsor my shopping sprees and worship me all day long..!!

Love, Actually..

As every fairy tale comes real;

I've looked at love that way...

But now it's just another show...

you leave 'em laughing when you goAnd if you care,

don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,

From give and take, and still somehow

It's love's illusions i recall...

I really don't know love at all.