Christmas on a Closed Ward...

If you are a hardcore Harry Potter Fan like me, you would probably remember the chapter in book 5 where Harry spends Christmas at St.Mungos Hospital.. I also remotely remember reading this very old article in readers digest titled “my most memorable Christmas” where this American Lady whose husband was Pilot in the Air Corps spends her Christmas with the prisoners of war in some part of Europe during World War 2..Although she couldn’t erase the marks of woe from them, she made the passing of though times a little smoother.. It is really heart warming to see how people actually live the spirit of Christmas.. For me Christmas was just another holiday.. And I celebrated it like everyone conventionally does.. Humming Carols, Going to the church, indulging in those Christmas special goodies (read plum cakes and truffles), hanging socks every year hoping Santa clause will grant my wishes for being such a good girl!! I did it all. Yet, I was never touched... and for the past few years I was beginning to lose faith…For nothing had ever made my Christmas “special” and I had never felt or experienced “the spirit” of Christmas of which those articles and books spoke of. I had absolutely no plans for Christmas this year and I never indented to make any, But like they say.. When something good is to happen, the heavens conspire to make sure they do.. I accidentally happened to meet a friend and over a brief chat he told me he was going to celebrate Christmas party with some children this year and if I’d be interested in join them and taking photographs for them. I said “Yes, why not?” I had not heard of the entire plans of the celebration till a few hours before the event…We were going to celebrate Christmas at the Civil Hospital with the Children Suffering from Cancer. “oohhh..” was the only reaction I could summon when I heard the entire plans.. “Girls have this soft heart and cannot see the harsh realities of life” was what my female friend said, advising me to back out.. I, not being a quitter said "no ways I am not backing out!".. But that did not stop me from being as apprehensive as I could be!

On our way to the hospital we were told that these children are very sick and have little enthusiasm for Christmas and it is us, who would have to break the ice, get involved and set the mood. Like they say… easier said than done.. Seeing those little children with drips attached to their bodies, bandages all over and masks on all their faces hardly leaves any space in one's “soft” girly heart to feel the Christmas enthusiasm and joy.. The sight was enough for anyone to break down.. and how could we not, Seeing how unfair and cruel life is? If god loves children how could he bring such pain and suffering upon them? But again like they say, the show must go on…we put up a show..of being happy and and merry and being full of enthusiasm and with our best smiles lit up we began to play around with these children. Some of the kids were so scared seeing strangers they began crying out of fear of getting one more injection or getting chemotherapy again.. Those eyes still haunt me. Yes there are still times when I cannot sleep at nights when I remember those eyes. There was this 4 year old kid Bhavna..who would not stop crying. Seeing tears in those innocent eyes, I did everything I could..talked to her..pampered her..showed her the camera I was clicking with..fooled around with her but nothing worked. That was the time I broke down and I could NOT be seen with tears around so many people and children looking on and thus, doing my best to disguise my emotions I moved on taking photographs. The other volunteers were doing a fantastic job.. The volunteers played music, performed skits to make them laugh, did a bit of dancing and just about everything.. One small boy sitting in the front row was frowning at all of them..I saw he had this urine bag attached to him. I smiled at him..and he wouldn’t stop frowning..Well I faked a dirty frown as well and made a few faces..and that was IT! I made him smile!! YES! I made that kid SMILE! Ohh what a naughty smile that boy has! Eyes full of mischief and those swelling cheeks!!..I love that kid!! And know what? For the rest of the day, he refused to give anyother volunteer a smile for that smile was reserved for ME. .he would smile exclusively for me..hehehe..no guy has ever done THAT before! :-P

And when I still recall that smile that makes me feel on top of the world!

I could feel the enthusiasm build up in me..i made friends with many other kids...by this time the Magician had started performing and the entire surrounding atually started feeling light.. but there was still little Bhavna..who was gloomy and sad.. The Santa clause came and started distributing the presents..the kids loved everyminute of this and nothing beats that happiness..

And yet, apart from all the other kids all bhavna did was sit quietly and stare. I had had enough! I was going to make her laugh if that was the last thing I did that day! I sat down besides her and did nothing but to hold her hand and look in her eyes..told her firmly if she aint laughing I aint leaving her alone. I don’t know what did it.. after staring at me for an eternity her expressions changed..i went for the kill..i tickled her..and tickled her and tickled her some more.. and she laughed..and laughed..I swear to the heavens above..i had never seen a smile so innocent, so cherubic, so beautiful and so alive like hers..she jumped into my lap and I kept on ticking her and I felt the warmth and love brimming inside my heart like It never had. Just holding that child so close and seeing her smile and then I realized again.. this child has cancer..and she may not be with us next Christmas..this beautiful girl..this beautiful child and her smile..this bud may never bloosom into a young lady..may never give that smile to her first love..may never give that smile to her first born child..and It made my heart reach out to god and again question him..why god? Have you given this perfect life to me? You made me a girl and you made her a girl..what have I ever done to deserve your love?..and what has SHE done to derserve THIS?.. Life is just not fair.. to the beautiful child Bhavna..i dedicate this poem by BenJonson..

“A lily of a day Is fairer far in May,

Although it fall and die that night,-

- It was the plant and flower of Light.

In small proportions we just beauties see;

And in short measures life may perfect be.”

-And in short measures lived… life may perfect be...

Finally, the day was beginning to end and it was time for us to leave. Emotionally drained, with kisses and presents for the children, one by one we bid them farewell with a promise to come back and play with them again…its been 3 weeks and we plan to visit them again this 26th jan.. Like many others, I can now say I also have my “Most memorable Christmas”..I finally felt the "spirit" and I got my faith back...I also learnt not to take my life for granted, Ever again. Life is precious. Life is beautiful and I should do my best to make others lives beautiful as well...
Now i pray everynight before i go to sleep and Thankgod for everything I have and for those little angels, I ask him to set them free..

That’s the best present Santa Clause has ever given me for Christmas…